I burned the loaf, now I'm rebuilding the Recipe

The grit, the glory and all the fillings

“I used food to numb myself. Now I’m using it to rebuild.”_ mjt

2025 Recap

Good riddance, 2025.

The worst year of my 43 years on this earth.
A greatest-hits album of everything I fear.

Broke. And I mean almost-evicted, dead-of-winter broke.
That kind of anxiety changes you. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I survived because of one particular friend and a whole lot of grit.

Depressed. I know that word gets tossed around, but this was real.
I closed my second business at the end of 2024.
It felt like putting down a dog you’ve had your whole life.

Once the dust settled, I started looking for work.
Turns out I’m unhireable.

Seventeen years as an entrepreneur doesn’t translate well on paper.
I dumbed down my résumé.
I wrote every cover letter personally.
Still nothing.

Debt grew.
Friendships burned.

When I feel broken and worthless,
My survival mode tastes like cheap vodka and comfort food.
Mac and cheese. Burritos. Anything that shuts the noise off.

Most people who ask “how you doing?” want “good.”
They don’t want the real answer.
Especially not the version that says you’re tired of trying, or wondering if this is the end.

Life and I haven’t been close friends for a long time.
Growing up in the household I did will do that to you.

I don’t have close family I can lean on.
So I keep things inside and work through them alone.
Sometimes that looks healthy, writing, music, swimming.
Other times, it’s the bottle and bad food.

Both are coping.
Only one actually helps.

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The Fixer

I’ve always been a bit of a lone wolf.

I like solving problems before they explode.
Fixing things is an obsession.

Losing weight takes focus and willpower.
Building a business from nothing to a million dollars takes confidence that outweighs fear.

No matter how hard it gets, I believe I’ll figure it out.

That’s why entrepreneurship works for me.
It’s one giant puzzle.
And I like puzzles.

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Change Is Gonna Come

2025 was also the year that finally convinced me to rebuild my life.
One piece at a time.

Health.
New projects.
Optimism.
Actually believing again goals are worth chasing.

I’ve always joked that I’m consistently inconsistent.
It’s funny because professionally, I’m the opposite.
Business needs structure and repetition.
My personal routine has been part survival, part self-sabotage, and part obligation.

Personally, I’ve been unpredictable.

This year I started reading books on mindset and habits.
I’ve never been much of a reader, but I’m hooked.
Learning again feels good. It’s invigorating.

I also started learning new tech skills.
I’m bad at them.
I’m uncomfortable.
That’s the point.

Patience is a muscle I’m rebuilding.

2025 was the worst year of my life because it forced a midlife crisis I couldn’t outrun.

But small wins matter.

This Substack matters.
Every new subscriber, paid or not, gives me a little Tiger Woods fist pump.

That momentum saved me more than you know.

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The Future

Most of what I’ve done for the last 30 years no longer fits.
It’s time to close some doors and move in a new direction.

I can’t control the outcome.
But I can choose where I walk.

Health is now priority one.
I had it completely backwards.

I ran so hard toward a finish line that I forgot to stop and live.

Now I’m walking.
And I’m paying attention.

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2026: A New Perspective

2026 is about becoming the best version of myself.
Not surface happy.
Not “fine.”

Actually happy.

I want to love myself not just because I’m productive, but because I took intentional risks and honored myself along the way.

This feels like a rebound year.
The kind that makes me side smile when I think about it. 😙

To the 500+ subscribers following this very unorganized Substack, and the 50 paid subscribers, thank you.
Truly.

For the price of a coffee each month, you’re supporting something that’s still being built in real time.

And trust me.
It’s going to get good.

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What’s Coming Here

Starting next week, I’m adding structure and consistency.
Not all at once.
But by the end of January, this will feel like a well-oiled machine.

Here’s the plan so far.

Foundation Mondays
Meal prep, pantry essentials, sauces, dressings, vegetables, and high-protein meals.
Building blocks that make eating well easier, anywhere.

Wellness Wednesdays
Follow my health reset as I aim to lose 50 pounds using fresh juices, drinkable yogurts, and healing tonics.
I’ve done this before. I lost 135 pounds.

Fish Fridays
Seafood in all forms.
Tacos, chowder, salmon, monkfish.
After all, I ran a large restaurant on Cape Cod.

Sunday Bakes
Bread, muFins, cookies, gluten-free and not.
Sourdough that actually feels good to eat.
Using discard for tortillas, waffles, crackers, and more.

This Substack isn’t about perfection.
It’s about showing up.

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Much Luv

If you’re still reading, thank you for being here.
I may be a lone wolf, but good hospitality has always been about people.

If you ever stepped into one of my places over the years, you know what I mean.
It was never just food.
It was personal.

This space will be the same.

Let’s build something real together.

• Matthew